Over the last few years my anxiety has gotten much worse. I’m naturally a Type A personality, but I fear this has recently expanded into a more complex mental health issue, and if it is not addressed properly could result in a mental breakdown. I know that I cannot control the world, even in my own life there is very little that I can take control over. There are some small things that I can control, but the majority I do not have the power to do so. I like organizing, making list, preparing for the worst, etc etc. I have never been a person to put something off to the last minute, I’ve never wanted to be that person. I like to know something is done early so that if an issue should arise, it can be settled before a deadline. When I used to take the subway to work, I would leave ridiculously early and always arrive at the office way before I should. However, the alternative was possibly being late because of subway issues that should arise. And with the MTA, they always arise.
Much larger problems way outside of my scope of achievable actions are things like Global Warming, Suicide Prevention, Clean Drinking Water, Helping kids find Foster & Adoptive homes, homelessness, drug issues, Drug Companies, Crooked Politicians (so all politicians), Child Hunger, Police Brutality, what if that guy who passed me on the street called me a fag, what would I have done? what if he would have attacked me?…as you can see it is a deep, dark hole that does not stop.
More recently the coronavirus or COVID-19 has caused troubles. My husband is from South Korea, and his family still live there. He is absolutely terrified about it and how quickly it is spreading there. I have tried to calm and relax him, to no success. He has spoken with them and knows they are all safe right now, but he is worried because they do not have facemasks to wear and they seem to be impossible to buy. We went to a pharmacy and inquired about the next shipment, but the pharmacist explained the masks will not protect against the virus and that medical face masks are required, which they do not carry. I’m not overly concerned about the virus because I know that the Flu is more deadly, and I also know not to ignore symptoms if any arise. My husband though remains terrified. I’m trying to keep him and myself calm at the same time, and unfortunately it is not working.
A few times when I have had a diabetic attack of low blood sugar in the past, when I am coming back around and regaining my consciousness I have a feeling of peace with no worries. In this instance I realize that nothing is so important and I feel an immense calmness. Sadly, this moment only last for a few minutes max. I try to remember that feeling when I feel too much pressure in my life, but it is very difficult to recreate.
I eat healthy, exercise regularly, meditate weekly…but none have seem to help. I have made an appointment to see a psychiatrist who will hopefully be able to prescribe something to turn my brain down a few levels so I am not always thinking about so many things. Here’s hoping. If anyone has any great ideas for me to get out of my head, I am open to constructive ideas.