I tend to carry a bag with me almost everywhere I go. Some of my friends tease me about it asking why I have to carry it, and I explain its because of my diabetes that I need to take my insulin with me, etc etc. It is true, if I’m going out to dinner, or drinks I am going to need to check my blood sugar as well as take my insulin, so its a necessity for me to carry it with me.
However, just recently I was looking through my bag and realized that I might have a deeper issue that my bag is enabling me. I am a very prepared person, overly prepared actually. I was going through the contents of my bag and started to worry for myself a little.
My bag contains:
My Passport (I am always ready for an emergency getaway)
Water Bottle (In case I get thirsty or if the subway breaks down)
Granola Bar (In case I get hungry or my blood sugar drops)
A back up bowtie
2 Portable Power Banks (Because 1 is never enough)
Hand Sanitizing Wipes (Germs all around)
2 Books (Because if I finish or get bored with one, I’ll need another)
$20 emergency cash (In a credit card world, too many places are saying “Cash Only”)
Needle and black thread (because seams can’t be trusted)
Safety pins (so useful for so many reasons)
2 pairs of ear buds (they break so easily)
Emergency dental kit (toothbrush, toothpaste, 2 types of floss)
Ibuprofen (you never know when a headache will strike)
Emergency flashlight (Because the power grid can’t last forever)
Gum (Because bad breathe is never acceptable)
Breath mints (Because gum can run out)
Tic-Tacs (partially for breath, partially for snack)
Chapstick (Keeps lips moist and soft)
Lip Gloss (Keeps lips shiny)
Moisturizer (Skin care is important)
Tape (You never know when you’ll need tape)
2 pairs of sunglasses (1 prescription, the other just throwaway)
2 pairs of regular glasses (Because style might require, or I might break a pair)
3 eye glass cleaning cloths
Business Cards (You have to network)
2 Collapsible fans (I get hot easily)
2 handkerchiefs (one formal and one casual)
Back Scratcher (Sometimes you get an itch you can’t reach)
As you can see I have a serious problem; I am way too prepared. This stuff is in my bag daily, not just weekend trips to the beach. I’m guessing that the reason I’m so over prepared is my diabetes. I learned at a very young age that if I don’t anticipate the future, I could be at a serious health risk. I’ve transferred that mentality to every aspect of my life however. This attitude has transferred well in to my work ethic: I am always early to the office (being late, even a few minutes, has never been acceptable to me), I get tasks done ASAP(because if I leave them for later, who knows what could happen to mess everything up), I’m mentally prepared for any amount of bullshit that can be thrown at me, and I keep an additional pair of work shoes under my desk.
I have tried to blame these actions on my Type A personality, which might be a little true, but in reality I feel more like a Doomsday Prepper…and that does nothing for my mental stability. Why can’t I just treat a job like a job? Why do I feel so pressured to be ready for any possibility? I’m not really scared of dying, since I’ve already died before (Read Here), so what could be my necessity for being so prepared?
I feel like I need to try to put my mind on a West Coast setting. I have been running on NYC pace for a while now and just blazing through everything. I need to relax more, not care as much and just do whatever. I think I’ll do more meditation, to calm my mind as well as my soul. The world isn’t going to end if I don’t have 2 pairs of backup glasses. I don’t need so many material objects to keep my life in balance. If I show up late for work, what’s the harm? I am going to try (hopefully, not in vain) to empty out my bag, and realize what is important (Insulin, blood monitor) and what isn’t a requirement for daily living (Needle & Thread, Tape). Let’s hope for the best. Don’t worry, I have an appointment with a mental health counselor next week just to make sure I’m not really crazy.