On Saturday 29 June 2019, my last living grandparent passed away. This was my mother’s father, Frank Edward Kruse. He was born 17 June 1930 which means he lived to the old age of just over 89 years. If I don’t appear to be showing emotion it’s because I haven’t spoken to or seen this man in 15 years. Frank was not an easy person to like, he was sexist, racist, homophobic and overall demeaning to anyone he considered less than. As a middle class white farmer living in a small town, he thought he owned the world. Before my mother passed away we went for years without seeing her parents because he was such a terrible person to her. I’ve never really inquired for details, as I’m worried if I find our the true reasons I would hate him even more. Most of what I do know is he favored his eldest son, my uncle David. He belittled his wife and my mother because they were women. Last but not least, he thought himself a shining example of what men should be. This was a man who was NEVER humble. I don’t actually have any good or fond memories with or of this man. Every holiday, party or event memory I have only focuses on my loving grandmother. We she died 15 years ago, Frank told my dad that her death was the fault of us grandkids for not seeing her enough. My eldest sister saw her once a week and the rest of us intertwined at that time. I understand he was grieving, but he was full of shit. For someone who didn’t value women as equals, I can’t believe he was that distraught.
When I was hospitalized with DKA sometime around 2007 he offered my dad to give me my grandmother’s old car. My dad being an intelligent man said no thank you. We did not need any reason for this person to feel we owed him anything. I’m assuming my great aunt Marilyn, my grandmother’s sister, was the one who told him about me being hospitalized.
I feel lucky that although he was my grandfather, I did not get any of his genetics or personality traits.
I haven’t really thought about him in years, and the only way I found out about his death was some random news pop up in my feed. I saw the obituary, which is so kind to leave out any mention of my father, my sisters, my brother, or myself oh and all of our spouses. I don’t want to appear too unkind to say I’m happy he’s gone, so I won’t. I will have a glass of champagne and toast the memory of my amazing and loving mom and grandmother. I love you both and miss you very much.
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